Getting this out of my head

PROMPT:

• The girls I think want to date me, I don’t want to date.
• The girls I want to date, don’t want to date me.

QUESTIONS that haunt my mind:

• Am I that disgusting?
• Am I that boring?
• Am I shallow?
• Am I blind?
• Am I picky?
• Am I wicked?
• Is it worth trying?
• Should I forget about it and spend more time on myself?
• Why have I let myself get to be 28 and like this?

STATEMENTS I tell myself:

• You are pretty amazing.
• You’re doing a lot of things really well.
• Yes, you can be more righteous.
• Yes, you can be healthier.
• You know what you need to do.
• Being unmarried at 28 doesn’t make you wicked, incomplete, or a sad state of a man.

What the SPIRIT tells me:

• To find happiness in this life you only have to do 4 things.
• Remember Moses and the Brazen Serpent.

on my way to the windy city

Work is sending me to Chicago for the week.  I know what you’re thinking: “How fun!  That’ll be a nice vacation!”

I really do hope I can find some time to enjoy the city a little, maybe catch a 1/2 price show or two.  Realistically, I’ll be in training from 9 to 5 and then after that I’ll be working on all the stuff I’d be doing if I were still in Utah.

But I enjoy travel.  Despite that nagging feeling that this would all be so much more fun with someone to go with me.  My family’s been out of town for the past few days and I’ve realized how much I emotionally depend on them.  I live in SLC, away from KTown, but still, it’s nice to be able to stop by and visit with people I know love me.  Sorry, Am.  I realized you and your family were here too, but just a little late in the game.  (Oh, and sorry to Cam and Code, too).  I look forward to the day that I’ve got a family of my own to take on trips, etc.

Gosh I hope I can just sit and breathe a little this week.  I’m getting a little tired of running (but I want to accomplish so much!).  I went on a brief date last night.  I could only fit in a dinner date with how much I needed to get done before this morning’s flight.  Yes, a dinner date sounds grown-up and all, but no matter how naturally charming I am, I do worry about having to entertain for too long on my own.  Nice girl, though.  I’d like to “date” her.  Our schedules are just horrendous when placed side by side.  I guess I need to make time for someone instead of something.  At least for a bit as I try this out.

I’ve been out of the formal dating game for a little too long.  Thankfully my life is in such a better place now.  So there’s that.

Okay, since I’m at the airport, I’m going peg down a few Travel Tips By Dave (TTBD, for short).  Granted, I’m not the most experienced traveler.  But here you go!

1. Where pajamas on the plane: I don’t mean literally (but maybe).  I just know it’s going to get uncomfortable at some point, you’re going to get hot, you’re going to want to sleep SO WHY NOT make sure you’re as confortable as you can be.

And…I’ll think of some more later.  I think it’s time to relax (that’s key!) while I wait for my flight to board.

hey look, my name’s in the paper

Had a great meeting this past Monday with a number of Utah theatre organizations.  Even got an article written about it:

http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/entertainment/51291327-81/theater-productions-art-rapier.html.csp

why do I have nothing I want to do right now?

Life Plan

• Get out of debt
• Build a family
• Do something I love
• Make things better
• Remember that this is an unordered bulleted list

Apparently, today is Valentine’s Day

Well.

I have family, and a place to live, and food to eat.  One day I’ll have someone to share that all with.

Until then, I’ll just take pride in the fact that I ran 5 miles on Saturday.

Even though I sometimes think I missed the boat on the whole finding-someone-to-love thing, I’ll put that thought out of my mind.

Life is going really well.

Just gotta keep my eyes open.

word o’ the day

At 3 PM this afternoon I was making my way eastbound on Interstate 80 just a few miles outside of Tooele and a few more shy of Magna when my car exploded.

K, it didn’t explode.  But the engine died with a large cloud of white smoke billowing behind me.  Five hundred feet later and I was stopped on the side of the road with the Great Salt Lake on my left, and Kennecott on my right.

Three and a half hours later and my car is parked at the auto shop and I’m sitting in my parents’ living room in KTown with a small pile of clothes and essentials to get me through the week since I work just a block away from their house.

I’m grateful that I am blessed to have family so close, and so prepared, that they can help me when life kicks me down like this.  I’m grateful I didn’t freeze in my car, but that I had an extra coat and some gloves to keep me warm. I’m grateful that it was still daylight and I didn’t need to fear too much that a semi cruising at 80+ mph was going to rocket through my tiny Kia.

But man, this sucks.

I’m kind of freaking out in my head right now.  I’m starting to doubt I can make it through this year.  I’m secretly wishing that the past six years have been a bad dream and that tomorrow I’ll wake up able to make all the right decisions this time round.

But wait, I can have hope.

A friend of mine mentioned on her blog that her word that she chose to define her year last year was hope.  That’s what I need right now, so I choose to claim it.

I can have hope.  I don’t know how, and I expect I’ll learn this year, but I can reclaim that gift.

I used to be full of hope.  I’ve let life beat me down a little too much.  Time to stand back up and face it straight on.

K, I’m headed to temple on Saturday.*

Gotta cultivate hope.  I choose to have it.  It’s gonna happen.

(Yes, I said it as if I was Jewish.  I think it sounds cool, and peculiar, and slightly reminiscent of Arrested Development.  (Which makes sense seeing as how Jewish their humor was) Sue me.)

Monday, Monday

My car started this morning (thank goodness).  Unfortunately I left my lights on when I got to work and no amount of charging would allow me to jumpstart it at the end of the day.  So, $90 later and I’m the proud owner of a new battery.  Woot. I really do enjoy my day job.  I’m excited for this month.  There is a whole lot to do and I’m excited to do it.  Basically I have 3 big tasks:

1. Meet with Bank and Credit Union senior management about how we can help them do more things faster.  That’s the gist of it anyway.
2. Follow up and meet with users of our software spread across Utah and outside of state.  I’ve got 41 accounts and it’s going to take a lot to keep up with everything.
3. Whole lot of small projects to help me do the above stuff.

So it was a good day at work, tomorrow will be better. Then I had dinner with my family in KTown before heading back to SLC (oh, I lost 0.8 lbs over the Christmas/New Year’s break). After spending a good 90 minutes working on the UTBA I caught the end of an NCIS episode my roommate was watching and now it’s time for bed.

I’m still dealing with the disappointments and struggles of life right now.  I know it’s not as bad as a whole lot of other people, but rather than discredit my pain I’m accepting it and equally trying to rejoice in the blessings I do have.  I think both of those things are important things to do.

not starting, but not stopping

Dressed and ready to go, but my car won’t start.

This isn’t going to get me down, or stop my plans for the day.

I’m letting my jumpstarter kit charge for a few minutes and we’ll see if that works.

If it doesn’t, I’ll just walk to church.  It’s only 2.6 miles away (uphill).

Now that’s a good night’s sleep

I’m pretty excited for today.  Lots of goals, no headache, fully rested.

Heading into the day with big hopes and ambition is step one.